August Quote Book

It rained today while we were out driving. Brigham was narrating as usual.
"There are two kinds of wipes in this world. One kind is long and skinny for wiping windows and the other kind is square for wiping Eliza's bum."
wipers. they're called windshield wipers. thank you very much.


Isaac came home very proud of himself.
"Mom! I took a test today on holding a book and I got everything right! 100%!"
great. that's just. . . great.
see? I told you there were advantages to being one of the oldest. holding a book? pah-leeeeez.


It's Brigham's first day of school.
"Well, goodbye dad. I'm leaving. That means you have to take care of Eliza now and make sure she doesn't get any choking hazards, okay?"


Which came first? The chicken or the egg. . . or the rooster?
We had eggs for dinner.
Clay: Do we only eat eggs that have not been fertilized? (thank you Magic School Bus for teaching him that word.)
Me: yes.
Clay: So could farmers who have a rooster just go to the store and buy some eggs and take them back to their farm and. . .?
Me: No. That wouldn't work.
Clay: Why?
Me: Because chickens just lay eggs. And some eggs are already. . . (I'm saying way too much) fertilized and will hatch baby chicks. And some are not and those are the ones we eat. But you can't change it after it's laid.
Clay: Ooooooh. So. . . how does the rooster fertilize the egg when it's still in the chicken?
Some questions just need to be completely ignored. If you don't make eye contact it's like you didn't even hear it.


Brigham wanted to get out of bed again to pick a different toy - for the hundredth time.
Me: Just stay in bed, this toy is fine. See? Crabby's crying because he wants to sleep with you. He'll be so sad if you pick a different toy.
Brig: Let me tell you something about toys. They are NOT real. Okay, mom? (getting out of bed to rummage through the toy bin, pointing a stuffed hedgehog at me) Just remember that.
you win.


Isaac can play Twinkle Twinkle perfectly with his right hand. But his left still has problems. Why?
"Because it hasn't completed it's training."


Out of the blue Brigham announced:
"I can't give you any more hugs because then I won't have enough left for Daddy. Sorry."
At age four, he has successfully mastered the concept of supply and demand.


Brigham is about to start preschool so I wanted to make sure he's ready:
Me: Which is bigger 7 or 9?
Brig: 9
Me: Which is bigger 6 or 12?
Brig: 12
my kid is a genius
Me: Which is bigger 10 or 2?
Brig: 2
uhh
Me: Hmm, are you sure? Would you rather have 2 jellybeans or 10?
Brig: 10
Me: Okay, so which is bigger 10 or 2?
Brig: 2
Me: (baffled) Alright, try this one. Which is bigger 2 or 10?
Brig: 10
Me: Which is bigger 10 or 2?
Brig: 2
yeah, I thought so
Me: Which is bigger seven thousand nine hundred and ninety nine or eight thousand three hundred and thirty three?
Brig: firty-free.
he's totally ready.


Preschool preparation take two:
Me: I'll say a word and you say a rhyming word, okay? bat.
Brig: Like a baseball bat!
Me: So think of a rhyming word.
Brig: um. baseball glove!
Me: no. but baseball hat rhymes.
Brig: and a ball! That's all we need. Now we have everything!


Isaac startled Eliza by barging into the room while I was changing her diaper:
Isaac: Ew yuck! (plugging his nose, gasping for air)
Eliza: (wimper, wimper)Waahh!
Isaac: I still love you, Eliza even though you stink. You're still my favorite sister in the whole world! Oh Eliza. . . I actually love the smell of your diaper! It smells so good I could just smell it all day! See? (takes a big whiff) I wish that everything smelled this good. Mmmm. . . I love it so much!"
alright. . . okay, bud. don't overdo it.


Isaac was trying to persuade vegetarian-Clayton to eat a hot dog.
Isaac: Mmm (taking a huge juicy bite), I can't believe you don't like these things!
Clay: I don't like any kind of meat.
Isaac: Well, this isn't just any kind of meat. Look, it's not even meat at all! (pointing his dog at Clayton's face) See? It's. . . it's something else.
let the truth be known. . .

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