Like I mentioned before. . . my kids discovered the Star Wars Trilogy over Christmas break and our family has never been the same. Not only are my boys more prone to spontaneous Jedi moves and impulsive (explosive) "pretend" fights with each other (even during church) which invariably turn into "real" fights, but they have also added at least 2,000 (new, obnoxious, loud) sound effects to their vocabulary. When I complained to Nate he shrugged and said, "Aaa, just put 'em on a No Star Wars diet. Don't let them watch it anymore." Okay. Um, except they haven't seen the movies since Christmas and they're still. . .
AND THEN. . . when Isaac started instigating fights at school (even with girls) and coming home with (more than usual) red behavior marks and "needs to work on keeping hands (and boogers) to self" notes from his teacher. And when Brigham started speaking in ONLY sound effects. And when Clayton commented that "real" astronauts do boring stuff. I started wondering if we had been inflicted with some crazy Star Wars curse. My lectures and banishment of anything Jedi-ish only made the problem worse. . . until I did the unexpected.
I announced to the children we were all going to watch Star Wars. Yay! (Because hey! If you can't beat 'em - join 'em.)
I started with Jabba the Hut. "See?" I told the kids, "That's what happens when you pick too many boogers and snot. Don't pick 'n' lick unless you want to look like that someday. Yeah, I know. . . Scary."
I paused on a giant asteroid belt and explained to Clayton that those big brown rocks were really just potatoes. Real astronauts don't use potatoes. They explore and study the real thing. Way cooler.
I let them watch part of the movie without sound (until I couldn't stand the whining) and explained that it's not just the sound effects that make a movie interesting but also the. . . MUSIC! which is awesome and thematic and totally makes the movie. "If you're going to be a Jedi," I explained, "you need more than just sound effects. You need a Theme. So get thinking (and composing)."
And lastly, I fast forwarded to Luke's final battle with Darth Vader where the evil Emperor prods Luke to get angry and out of control. "gooooood. . . your hate has made you powerful. . ."A Jedi is never explosive. A Jedi never loses his control. Every movement is precise and predetermined. Even a Jedi's voice is calm and reflects his self-control. "If you want to be a Jedi, you have to fight like one." We practiced with me coaching like Obi-Wan, "Slowly. Don't rush your steps. . . keep your control. Um, okay. This isn't wrestling. . . remember this is only pretend. . . Oh. oh. don't let anger take control. . . Okay, and DON'T REALLY HIT!!!! Hey! Guys! Alright, that's enough. . . OUCH! Grrrr. . . you just joined the DARK SIDE!!!! Sheesh! Are you hurt? It's not bleeding very much. Let's try again."
My Star Wars parenting seemed to be working - with meltdowns, fighting, boogers, tantrums, you name it. Or at least the kids seemed more interested in listening to me when I spoke their language. But I knew I had really achieved my goal when I overheard this conversation with the neighbor kid (who owns all the coveted Jedi gear):
Isaac: Did you know that I can fight like a real Jedi?
Neighbor kid: No you can't.
Isaac: Yesh Huh. My mom showed me.
Neighbor kid: How does your mom know?
Isaac: Cuz my mom is a Jedi.
Neighbor kid: Reeally? (glancing at me with reverence and awe)
Yes! I. Have. Arrived.
But just to make sure I've totally eliminated all the violent influences and fighting, I think I'll put my kids on an "All Scriptures" diet.
Oh wait. . .
.
12 comments:
I've always thought that Star Wars contained many life lessons - hadn't thought about them in the context of parenting, but I might have to check into it. Nice work Emily.
I always knew you must be a Jedi. This post seriously had me laughing so hard. I love you!
Oh man Em, you're so awesome, lol.
You were made to have boys and be totally awesome at parenting! I got rid of "the Little Mermaid" because my kids were obsessed and still are (it's been months since they've seen it) and I don't like the underlying messages (disobeying parents, etc.) But if you want to find out about kids on the all scripture diet check out Dr. Emma :)
If you want to really geek them out, they should check out "STAR WARS THE CLONE WARS" on cartoon network every Friday at 7pm.
It gives me my weekly Star Wars dose.
It rules!
Uncle Dave!
Too funny. Nice work on being so creative in teaching your kids and congrats on becoming a Jedi. I wish I were a Jedi.
Maybe you could talk the boys into having regular "Yoda meditation time" as part of your Jedi routine (while pondering all of the "Be still" scriptures). You are better than a Jedi, because moms have to do it all.... without the fictional props and powers.
May the force be with you!!!
You are seriously amazing. Those lessons are very amazing. I love the jabba the hut one.
too funny. you are so creative. Jamie isn't into Star wars so maybe our kids will miss this phase. You handled it brilliantly!
I was reading this post and thinking "I'm going to tell Emily that SHE is the real Jedi." Because I can never come up with comments. But Isaac beat me to the punch! That clever little kid.
What is it with boys and Star Wars? My boys favorite is the force choke. Thankfully it is just using the "force" to choke each other and not their real hands. I wish I was so creative and smart and funny as you are, but haven't I been wishing that for the last 20 years? You really are a Jedi, Em.
Man, I almost pee from laughing every time I read your blog. Love it.
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