July 2014 Books

Can you tell I was surrounded by children in July?  Six children's novels and a book about raising children. All good stuff.  Looking back on these books feels like remembering old friends. Here's the (long time in coming) lineup for July.

Liar and Spy: 3.5 Stars
Rebecca Stead is a fantastic writer.  I loved her Newbery Award winner, "When You Reach Me" and, though a bit slower moving, I was equally captivated by "Liar and Spy".  The ending completely took me by surprise and made me rethink the entire story from the beginning. This somewhat quirky tale is full of unexpected twists and turns, humor, deep questions, and unforgettable characters.  It's worth reading.

Prince Caspian: 4 Stars
Our long road trip in July meant that we got to listen to two more Narnia books in the car.  My boys love the sword fighting and trickery in this book. Like everything C.S. Lewis writes, I love the subtle, but deep and thoughtful reflections of Christ. These stories create such meaningful images.  Here are a few of my favorite quotes:
"you come of the Lord Adam and the Lady Eve," said Aslan.  "And that is both honour enough to erect the head of the poorest beggar, and shame enough to bow the shoulders of the greatest emperor on earth.  Be content."

"Aslan" said Lucy "you are bigger".
"That is because you are older, little one" answered he.
"Not because you are?"
"I am not.  But every year you grow, you will find me bigger".

The Voyage of the Dawn Treader: 4 Stars
C.S. Lewis must've had my seafaring, animal-loving, adventure-driven boys in mind when he wrote Voyage of the Dawn Treader. Brigham's favorite literary character is Reepicheep (as you can imagine), Clayton loves that, in this book, Narnia becomes bigger and extends further than ever before, and Isaac (of course) is enamored with the ship itself - as evidenced by all his sketches of the Dawn Treader over the years. I'm with Brig - Reepicheep makes this book!  Here are my favorite Dawn Treader quotes:
"In our world," said Eustace, "a star is a huge ball of flaming gas."
"Even in your world, my son, that is not what a star is, but only what it is made of."

I am there too, dear one," said Aslan. "But there I have another name.  You must learn to know me by that name.  This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia, that by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there."

"But I will not tell you how long or short the way will be; only that it lies across a river.  But do not fear that, for I am the great Bridge Builder."

And this is why I love Reepicheep:
"My own plans are made. While I can, I sail east in the Dawn Treader.  When she fails me, I paddle east in my coracle.  When she sinks, I shall swim east with my four paws.  And when I can swim no longer, if I have not reached Aslan's country, I shall sink with my nose pointed east, to the sunrise."

The Lincoln Hypothesis: 4.5 Stars
I really enjoyed this book and July was a great month to read it. It made me appreciate even more the blessing of living in a covenant land, and realize the intertwining connections between Church history and U.S. History. Aside from the question of whether Lincoln was influenced by the Book of Mormon or not, (we know that he checked it out from the Library of Congress for 8 months, and we assume he read it because, well, it's Lincoln.  But that's pretty much all we know), the biggest realization for me was that before Lincoln, the United States was a place where temples were not protected and men, women, and children could be persecuted (even exterminated) for their religious beliefs. The Civil War wasn't just about slavery.  It was about freedom and protection of rights for all people. Ballard also claims it was about keeping a covenant with God. "Freedom is not free! The Almighty offers these gifts contingent upon our willingness to turn to Him as a nation.  It is a covenant relationship.  That covenant is in force today, and the rules still apply."  Though, I'm skeptical of some of his speculation, I found Ballard's connections and parallels thought-provoking and very inspiring. The format of the book, with all the flashy inserts, drove me crazy. But the content was fascinating and kept me eagerly turning pages. The Lincoln Hypothesis, although Ballard admits is just that - a hypothesis, is also well-researched and documented, making for a very interesting read!

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes: 3 Stars
How did I miss Sherlock Holmes all these years?  What great, smart, mind-challenging, and charming tales. A great taste of English history! My boys loved this collection of mysteries. I was a little disappointed to learn that Holmes actually never does say, "Elementary, my dear Watson."  Oh well, we enjoyed Sherlock Holmes (and everything else he did say) anyway. Thanks for the suggestion, Autumn.

Counting by 7s: 5 Stars
Okay, I loved this book! The whole story made me smile. You'd expect a book about a twelve-year-old genius/orphan/misfit to be lonely and sad but it's not. This book is funny, quirky, and absolutely melt-your-heart happy. It is about renewal, rebuilding, uniting unsuspecting people, being a catalyst for change, and putting down new roots and rising toward the sun. It's one of those books that needs to be read and reread! And made into movies!

Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: 3 Stars
I hate reading parenting books, and this was one of those hard-pills-to-take kind of books. It was all stuff I needed to hear - things I agree with - and I took tons of notes. But that didn't make the experience any less painful. This book is also geared toward families with one or two children.  Not five!  And some of the suggestions just don't make sense (like spending 20 minutes a day with each child one-on-one where the child picks the activity and the parent devotes their whole attention to that child.  Ha!  And what are the other 4 children doing during the two hours a day it would take me to get through every child's "Special Time"? in principle, I agree.  In practice though, it doesn't make much sense) So, just so I have them all in one spot, here's my scribbled notes from "Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids":
PART ONE: Making Connections with our Children
Yelling is not good.  Connecting is. Children who feel strongly connected to their parents are happier and better behaved. We connect by investing our time and attention. (physical play - roughhousing, wrestling, dancing, etc - is good) Before you correct, you have to connect. Instead of yelling, take a deep breath and choose love (this takes lots and lots of practice). Focus on coaching not controlling. Correction is more effective when it comes through love not anger.  If parents have modeled the right thing, children will want to do it because of their connection with them. Every difficulty is an opportunity to connect. (love that statement!) You can't really "make" anyone do anything.  Love is the most effective motivator.  How to set empathic limits: 1) touch 2) set limits calmly and politely 3) empathize 4) offer a choice so your child feels less pushed around. Eliminate the word "consequence" from your vocabulary and replace it with "problem-solving".  Focus on problem-solving not blame. Do not force your child's apology - remember the three R's (Reflection, Repair, Responsibility) Turn "time-out" into "time-in". Isolating children does not help them learn. Study shows people need 12 hugs a day for optimal growth (moms with lots of children cash in on this!). Emotion Coaching: 1) acknowledge and empathize 2) allow expression of emotion 3) respond to the needs behind the problem behavior 4) when a desire cannot be fulfilled grant it through wish-fulfillment. "I'm sorry but we're not having cookies now.  I bet if you were the queen, you'd order platefuls of cookies for everyone!  What kind would you order?" 5) tell the story so your child understands her feelings - name the feelings. 6) teach problem-solving.  do not solve problems for him. 7) play it out using role play. The memories that will color our children's lives will be about how they feel.  Not what we said to them.
PART TWO: Achievement vs. Mastery
Parents (this is me!) have impulses to over-stimulate, over-protect, over-assist, over-schedule, and over-control.  What is the antidote? 1) Unconditional love and empathy.  This does not always mean praise.  Sometimes praise kills the joy in our own accomplishments and giving kids rewards sometimes ruins the motivation. Instead of praising or labeling, what if we simply connected? 2) Respect - this includes respecting even a child's struggles and failures. Try not to rush in and fix.  Intervene as little as possible but as much as is needed for your child to be successful. (that is a good rule of thumb) Appreciate the value of struggle as a learning experience but provide scaffolding to help them succeed. 3) Scaffolding - routines, habits, safety, structure, respectful observation. Positive thinking is not as important as positive action! Let your child know it's okay to make bad choices.  Every mistake is an opportunity to learn. Instead of saying, "You always work hard." or "You're a good girl for working hard.", just simply say, "You worked really hard!" Point out the good thing of the moment. The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice. Try to make interactions more meaningful. Here's an example:
Conversation 1:
"Mom, do you like my picture?"
"Yes, I love it!"
"But do you like my trees?"
"Yes, I love them.  I love the way you draw trees."
"But do you see the witch?"
"Oh is that a witch?  It's so cute, I really love it."
Conversation 2:
"Mom, do you like my picture?"
"I saw you working hard. Tell me about it."
"I drew a forest with a witch.  But I think the trees are too big."
"Trees can be hard to draw.  Did you know that even professional artists have a hard time with trees?  When I'm done with dinner, we'll look at pictures of some ways other artists have drawn trees. What do you like best about your picture?"
"I like that the witch is hiding."
"Why is the witch hiding?"
(do you see where this conversation is going?)
In the end, I got a lot out of this book and I'm glad I read it (despite the guilt trips).

Tales from Shakespeare: 5 Stars
This fantastic collection of Shakespeare's best-loved tales by Charles and Mary Lamb has been around forever.  There are seriously hundreds of editions. Why?  Because it's still the best.  Each story is about 25-30 pages long and remains true to Shakespeare's language and dialogue. It is beautifully written.  I brought a simple paperback version to read to the kids on our drive out to Utah.  While staying in my sister's old room back home, I found this illustrated edition of the same book!  The paintings are gorgeous and I fell in love with it.  Nate surprised me with a copy of the book when I got home and I am still smiling to have this as part of our family library.